...sookay kaast...

diwanasingh:

So, I didn’t know that tumblr had an inbox and that someone had asked me a question and that I had not responded to them. My apologies for being a tumblr noob. So here’s the question posed by Anonymous and my response is below it.

“Dear Mr. Saint Soulja, How about a post on relationships? How should they be approached maturely?? and in general, what is the view of the roles in the relationship (from the southasian male perspective)… is it now more about two equals coming together to form a partnership or is it still about the woman being voiceless and revolving around the male. just curious to hear your perspective. *apologies if there was any of the above causes offence… not my intent.”

Response:

This is in fact a brilliant question. In the semester that just ended, our class spoke about some concepts that can help us answer your question. Perhaps one of the most important questions raised in Jap Ji Sahib comes in the first pauree where Guru Sahib asks “kiv sachiaaraa hoeeyay, kiv koordaii tutaii paal”.

In order to understand this question, we need to grasp the concept of both Koord and Sach. These two words are absolutely essential. In lamest terms, Koord has often been translated to “trash” but when you dig beneath the surface you’ll find that Koord is in fact anything that creates a disconnect between you and Vaheguru. Anything or anyone that doesn’t help you reach Vaheguru or hurts you from reaching Vaheguru, is considered Koord. In Asa Ki Vaar Guru Sahib states, “koord raaja koord parja koord sabh sansaar”. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=1714. If you read this entire salok, you’ll see that Guru Sahib doesn’t leave out a single thing. He says kings, kingdoms, wealth, clothes, your husband, your wife, the world, EVERYTHING is Koord. Now, at least for me, the first question that came to mind was, why. Why is everything Koord? The answer to that question lies in the last line of the salok where Guru Sahib says, “nanak vekhaaney baintee tudh baajh koordo koord”. He says, “TUDH BAJH”, meaning “without you”, and the goal now becomes to figure out who he is talking about. 

The second word in the line from Jap Ji Sahib is Sach. In lamest terms, Sach has often been translated as “truth” but Sach is in fact a much deeper concept that I have yet to fully grasp. Sach or Sat, according to me, is the word used to describe an eternal energy, to describe Vaheguru. Something that existed before our concept of time and space, something that exists now, and something that will be here after our existence. Something that can not be destroyed and something that doesn’t have any boundaries or limits. You could go from this galaxy to the next and it would exist there. In Jap Ji Sahib, Guru Sahib describes it as “aad aneel anaad anaahath jug jug eko ves”. Sat is not affected by your praise or your insult nor does Sat disappear because of your disbelief. Sat resides IN everything and IN everyone. For example, in Asa ki Vaar, Guru Sahib says “purkhaan birkhaan teerthaan tataan meghaan khaytaan. deepaan loaan mandalaan khandaan varbhandaah…” http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=1708. He exists everywhere and in everyone. Sach is also talked about in more detail RIGHT after the salok on Koord. Guru Sahib says, “Sach taan par jaaneeai ja aatam teerath karey nivaas”. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=1715

Now, what does all of this have to do with relationships, you ask. Well, Guru Sahib was very clear in stating that everything is Koord. But he also said “tudh baajh koordo koord”. Everything and everyone is Koord UNTIL, you can see Sat, see Vaheguru, in it or in them. UNTIL those materialistic things can help your relationship with Vaheguru, they are Koord. If you go back to the line from Jap Ji Sahib where Guru Sahib says “kiv sachiaaraa hoeeyay, kiv koordaii tutaii paal”. The word “paal” means wall. Meaning, everything we see, everything we eat, everything we speak, everything we hear, etc, all of it stands in front of us as a wall, blocking our path to Vaheguru. It is Koord till it can be used to enhance our relationship with Vaheguru. So if Koord is this wall that separates us from Vaheguru then the only relationships you want in the world are the ones that help you tear down that wall. Even if something doesn’t hurt your relationship with Vaheguru, its still considered Koord because its not worth having unless it helps you.  

To answer your question in short Anonymous, the only pure relationship that exists is the one you have with Vaheguru, so be wise and be aware of ALL the relationships you keep. We have a relationship with our phones and with facebook and twitter, etc, whether we are aware of them or not. And we need to think about whether those relationships help us get closer to Vaheguru or whether they drive us further away. Use the same rubric for choosing the company you keep, the place where you work and definitely use it when choosing a life partner. Find someone that will help you with your journey, someone that will grab a hammer and help you tear down that wall of Koord and not someone that will stand in front you and block your path. Find someone that will want to wash the path in front of you and make sure they expect you to do the same.

bhul chuk maaf.